3 years! That must be a record, even for me. I think part of the problem with breaking the silence is that the longer you leave it, the harder it gets to say something. Then, when someone asks "so, what's new with you?" you wonder how to answer. Well, I do, at least.
Like the look on little Nathans face when he met the sea for the first time, a few weeks ago. Looking down at our feet to see the water, and looking for its end. Sheer wonder and delight at not finding it and realising the size of this very wavy bath!
Grateful for this moment, and for the one where he shared the sand he was eating...
I had it a couple of weeks ago and had a short stay in hospital while they gave me 4 litres of fluid via IV drip. After about 5 days I was more like myself, but had a cold. Then J was ill for about the same time and now it's Nathan's turn.
The poor mite has been projectile vomiting since Thursday evening and I'm exhausted from staying up at night to look after him. I can't get any sleep while he's like this. He vomits in his sleep and then breathes it in if I don't move him quickly enough. He's so worn out. I feel so bad for him. I just wish I could make it all better for him.
Today is a strange day. It should have been a very happy day, instead I feel a bit numb.
I've been staring at the Ante Natal Clinic attendance card which is lying on my desk. Today would have been the first time we would have seen our greatly wanted and much loved baby at 13 weeks, 4 days.
But it wasn't to be. The same day we received the appointment card I started to bleed. A day that had started excitedly with J waking me up to get me to open the much anticipated letter from the hospital ended with me laying awake all night feeling very frightened.
Well, I'm not really sure where to start. A lot has happened in the past couple of months and in many ways it feels like, for me personally, a watershed has been reached. I turned 30 this November - a ripe old age that I'm frankly surprised I survived to. I've left TDN in any official capacity, having just completed a significant web project with them. And I'm leaving the magpie name behind. In terms of who I am, I don't think it adequately describes me. Ten years ago, maybe five or even two years ago, I think it did. But now? Not at all.
Tassja, J and Nathan live in domestic bliss, in South Wales. They share their house with some plants, lots of musical instruments and too much lego. They can often be found hanging around in remote places, talking to the trees...